You know how some things really piss you off...
Today it’s BBC Radio traffic news.
It’s not that I don’t think they’re incredibly useful things, no, what gets me about them, is their abject refusal to acknowledge that anything ever occurs with any form of human intervention. They always appear to place the blame firmly at the wheels of the vehicles.
How often do we hear the expression, “A lorry has turned over”?
Well I’m sorry, call me naïve if you must, but I refuse to believe that lorries ‘just turn over’. Surely it was due to the gross incompetence of the driver, wasn’t it? Lorries look pretty damn stable things to me.
Why not say, “A driver has somehow managed to turn his lorry over and because of his incompetence, all you unlucky motorists will have a pig’s ear of a wait.”
Here’s one that really gets me: “A lorry has shed its load.”
Nope. The lorry didn’t ‘shed its load’. This is not some form of reptilian behaviour. The incompetent charged with driving that vehicle, failed to ensure that the load was secure. That’s what really happened.
And what about “A vehicle has spilt diesel”?
NO! The vehicle didn’t spill it – the idiot driver did!
If I wrote the traffic news, I wouldn’t let the vehicle take the blame. No way, Jose, I’d tell the truth. This would be my report…
”Some moron has failed to master one of the most basic tasks associated with driving a motor vehicle. This person clearly does not possess the modicum of intelligence required to re-fuel a vehicle such that on the first occasion he deviates from a straight-line he doesn’t dump a sea of diesel on the road, thereby endangering the wellbeing of hundreds of motorists – ESPECIALLY MOTORCYCLISTS, YOU ASSHOLE!”
Yeah. That’s what I’d say…
Today it’s BBC Radio traffic news.
It’s not that I don’t think they’re incredibly useful things, no, what gets me about them, is their abject refusal to acknowledge that anything ever occurs with any form of human intervention. They always appear to place the blame firmly at the wheels of the vehicles.
How often do we hear the expression, “A lorry has turned over”?
Well I’m sorry, call me naïve if you must, but I refuse to believe that lorries ‘just turn over’. Surely it was due to the gross incompetence of the driver, wasn’t it? Lorries look pretty damn stable things to me.
Why not say, “A driver has somehow managed to turn his lorry over and because of his incompetence, all you unlucky motorists will have a pig’s ear of a wait.”
Here’s one that really gets me: “A lorry has shed its load.”
Nope. The lorry didn’t ‘shed its load’. This is not some form of reptilian behaviour. The incompetent charged with driving that vehicle, failed to ensure that the load was secure. That’s what really happened.
And what about “A vehicle has spilt diesel”?
NO! The vehicle didn’t spill it – the idiot driver did!
If I wrote the traffic news, I wouldn’t let the vehicle take the blame. No way, Jose, I’d tell the truth. This would be my report…
”Some moron has failed to master one of the most basic tasks associated with driving a motor vehicle. This person clearly does not possess the modicum of intelligence required to re-fuel a vehicle such that on the first occasion he deviates from a straight-line he doesn’t dump a sea of diesel on the road, thereby endangering the wellbeing of hundreds of motorists – ESPECIALLY MOTORCYCLISTS, YOU ASSHOLE!”
Yeah. That’s what I’d say…
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